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If you have read me before in my blogs, you know I always
end it on a happy note. “Happy” a word used too often like few fellow words,
“sad”, “love”, “trauma”, “networking”, “visibility”, “life”, “travel”, “mood
boards”, “relationships”, the list can go on to become a book with no sight of
end to it. I cannot guarantee this time around what will you feel by the end of
it, also because I have my head full and heart shut. So, if life alone is still
too noisy for you, I would suggest you don’t add fuel to it by reading this
further.
There is a pattern here, the pattern that is fed to us, in
one single time there are several forces telling us to do contrasting things.
You have to stay single because the world has no good people
left, because staying single can let you be a free spirit, free of commitments,
not being dependent on anyone for anything, enjoying life, travel the world and
do other stuff because you only live once, but also at the same time you should
find your “soulmate”, “twin flame”, “partner in crime”, “life partner”, “parent
to your children”, “someone you can laugh with”, “someone you are not ashamed
to cry in front of”, “someone who adores you with all your flaws”, “someone you
can grow old with”, “someone who finds you hot, cute, sexy, charming, annoying,
lovable” all in one person. People ask you to choose but you can’t really try
choosing, if you do, you can be called a “fuckboy/whore”, whatever you prefer
to be called by general public. Consent and choice are something people still
find very hard to understand, people just casually harass and go away with it
because it doesn’t even matter anymore. There is so much we expect from one person that this generation stopped looking for checklists and settled for casual sex, for the fun of it. But you know the nature knows better how to play
games we think we have power over and that’s how my friends the world discovered
about jealousy, obsession, possessiveness, and so so so many crimes. Where does
one draw the line? Maybe that’s the reason I never ventured in this segment of
life. I would like to believe, when it happens it will be as easy as making a 2
minutes Maggi, but I also want to remind you to make it in the right vessel,
wrong one can fall before the Maggi is cooked and burn you, with the scar that
will stay for life.
As if love wasn't complicated enough, the world also handed us another puzzle...Work. You have to earn to help make a living in this materialistic world, but somehow you always fall short to fulfil any of your desire, this whole process has been glorified by another common word, “hustle”. We hustle, to earn living away from people we love, we explore new worlds where sun feels different, the bed feels cold, the food is expensive but never tastes like home, and we write stories of it, post photos of it just because it is in fact a milestone achieved in this life, which was meant to be yours, but is it really yours? Or are we just pretending to love it since we don’t have any other option. There was a time desk job was considered better than being a labourer, now people who sit at desk have more back, gut and hormonal problems than the people who do manual labour, all the money that comes from a “stable job” goes in one hospital bill. I think hospitals are scarier than mortuaries, hospitals can take away more than just your soul, they drain you physically, financially, mentally and emotionally. I wouldn’t wish a hospital visit to anyone, until it is to welcome a new life. The façade of stable job that can be replaced by a computer that runs on its own is 21st century’s one of the greatest revolutions, after the one by Oppenheimer of course. *Pun intended* But, hey! Cheer up! Because an influencer on the internet just happen to travel half the world, made you feel small for something you give youth to and made you question everything to struggled to achieve, and life suddenly feels heavy but at the same time very lively from across the world as you explore Bali, Miami, Spain, Italy, and Japan in a span of 2.5 minutes and a six inch window that you carry in your hand I think phones are Doraemon’s “Anywhere Door”. You say the word and the whole new world awaits you. After all this day long struggle, in the night when the silence is too loud for us to sleep, we all have suddenly started looking the same dream of having vast green lands, away from the world, but still carry our universe in a beautiful mid-size house, a farmland which can harvest the food for survival and few animals playing with the kids, as we sip freshly brewed tea with parents who never grow old, and partners that never leave.
As much as I love Queen Taylor, and I understand where she
is coming from when she says, “And it’s fine to fake it till you make it, till
you do, till its true”, I want to gently remind that sometimes we don’t make it,
sometime more often actually we just change direction, sometimes the roads are
simply too long to allow us to fake it till the end, and in such case it is
absolutely okay to be real with oneself on what your actual reality is. That
reality is the most haunting thing to exist, it makes you feel so small,
miniscule, helpless, optionless, suddenly even the indeterminist gets to believe
in destiny because there is no other answer to the randomness of the timeline,
at the very same time all you might be feeling is how mundane your everyday
looks, and nothing really makes sense. The world is still rotating in the same
direction, but time is moving differently, the cardboard game of Monopoly is
now a play, big players are playing at the biggest play space that we call Earth.
Unlike those summer breaks when we used to sit in front of the cooler, eating
chips and sipping cool orange and red coloured drinks, these days summers are
really hot, the Global warming we used to write essays on and study about is
today’s reality, more so because people with bigger notes in Monopoly have decided
to finally demolish smaller buildings and create something of their own,
ignoring the fact that the cardboard they are playing on is decaying faster
than it was before.
The uncertainty is eating my head, and all I could wish is to
return home and have that summer from my childhood once more and play Uno with
all skip cards so that I can finally win that game, as "Life Goes On".
P.S.: If you don't know about the things I have talked about here is Google links to know about them, meet you again.
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